I know how you feel im stuck in this situation myself right now. Only difference is i have a one year old daughter. No car. And my closest family and friends are miles away. I feel like I have to apologize for everything and im pretty much a maid. I tell him my feelings he will say sorry sometimes but most of the time I get told to quit blubbering.
I can relate to you soo much. I moved to France for him tho. I quit my job sold my car and gave away everything. It was a fairy tale at first. Now I feel so lost and alone. My boyfriend of six years left me for another woman. My feet had been so swollen for years that I the I had developed congestive heart failure, but doctors could find nothing wrong. My feet and ankles were enormous and very painful all the time. I stopped wearing skirts, shorts, and sandals because I wanted to hide my feet.
My stomach was so locked up that I had bowel moments only a few times a week. Since he left, my emotions have been a wreck, but ALL of those physical symptoms disappeared instantaneously.
I am amazed! Hi Kris, Perfect timing as usual with this post. I have recently decided that I want to end my marriage of 14 years. I am taking my time detangling our lives and it feels good and scary simultaneously. My only worry is the effect it will have on my two early teenage kids. Whenever I read advice about ending toxic relationships recently they never mention kids! My hope is that if I am calm and loving through the process it will keep damage to them to a minimum and we can all move forward in a more positive way.
Thanks for being an inspiration, keep up the awesome job you are doing! Luv Lee. I want you to know I was a child who lived in a house where they stayed together for the kids. There is a lot of silent guilt when you know you are the reason the two people who brought you in to the world are miserable. I left my 1st marriage of 26 years. It keeps them in a perpetual state of unrest. There is still a stigma about kids of divorce Marcia but if you look at reality, the criticism typically comes from either from strict religious beliefs or people who themselves are afraid to leave their unhappy marriages.
In the end I left abruptly because of domestic violence. It was a horrendous, drawn-out divorce. All kids want to know is that they are going to be OK.
Make sure you take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Counseling with a good MFT is the best advice I could give. He lives with his dad and now understands why I left the marriage. Kids are far more resilient than we give them credit for being. Love your kids, stay grounded, get into counseling, get your kids therapy too so they have a safe outlet schools provide free counseling , make sure you all laugh and play together, and keep a close eye on the kids. Remember to breathe through the stressful times and appreciate the good ones.
Be strong and stay compassionate. Currently going through this with my ex wife. It made me cry. She lied about domestic abuse and the only person who questioned the story. Was the judge. Everyone else laughed and said I must be like the hulk. The judge looked at me and said he believed in me. And that he thought I could pull it off. After 15 years. I thought I knew the woman I loved and married. Was I wrong. Turned out I had no clue who she was. And she got a no contact restraining order. Took what she wanted from home.
Left me with a pile of memories outside of the home I worked so hard for. We ended up loosing the house. She had moved out. Still she got the house. Only used it to get me arrested. Never used it to sleep or just to hang out. And she managed to leave with everything she wanted and without giving explanation about anything. But there needs to be something said about learning to communicate and work things out, with the efforts made by both parties.
Marcia, I spent the last few years of my toxic marriage staying in it only for the kids.
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I can tell you that after that scary first year of unraveling and re-defining, we are all happier people. My kids have a better relationship with both their father and I than they ever did during the marriage. Being true to yourself is always the answer. Looking back, I am so proud that I was able to model idea that for my children, they will need all their lives. Blessings and courage to you! I think the impact of my marriage on my kids is negative overall. But somehow I am really struggling to let go. And when I read stuff like this thanks Kris!
I think it is time for me to acknowledge that MY authentic self and my feelings matter. Reading this kind of thing might help me do it… Fingers crossed and all the best to you all!!
Hi Faye, from what I have experienced and also learned from reading up on narcissism, it is particularly difficult to deal with the mixed emotions. You truly do feel like you are overcoming an addiction, because of the expert mind-game skills that comes from narcissistic behavior. You are emotionally addicted and spiritually bankrupt, from the overdose of madness that comes from this particular type of relationship.
But it can be done.
If you need support, I would definitely seek out a support system. One benefit from coming through on the other end, of a relationship like this, is that your spirit is listening—and after you make it through, you shine brighter than ever! Lee, I would like to commend you for the courage in what you are doing, as I know it is a difficult situation.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship | What is a Toxic Relationship?
I agree with Faye…you are showing your children compassionate life skills in knowing how to move through difficult situations. The sensitivity in which you are approaching and dealing with this situation will help equip your children with valuable life skills in the future. This will be a process that will continue on between all of you. I send you and your family blessings! Healing takes time. Emotional, spiritual growth.
- Rough Sex Wife.
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First you need to get the negative people out of my life. Take the lead and carry on without me. I did and it ended VERY badly. Everyday you stay makes it more difficult to leave.
After 26 years I felt free. I went through several before I found someone that really had me do the work.